Tuesday, February 03, 2004

Apparent Lepper

I am HIV +. It kind of sucks having the "hiv," but what can ya do? It is not something that I obsess over. I just felt like writing about it tonight.

We call it "the hiv." "We" being my friends and I. My family and I refer to it as being "sick." As in, "Preston, how are you doing? I mean, with being 'sick' and all?" It is kind of annoying. Although, if you have read any of my entries thusfar, you will probably have noticed that I am annoyed by many things. I hate calling it "sick" because it makes it sound like I have a headcold. A little TheraFlu and warm Vodka to clear it up. Not that I want it to be made into a big deal, because I do not see it as a big deal. At the same time I hate having it turned into a Biblebelt, swept under the rug thing. I don't know how to accurately describe how I feel about the whole issue. I do not want it to be turned into a big deal but I do not want to be viewed as the family lepper at the same time. I don't know. I am impossible I guess.

I recently met this 19 year old cute boy. He was the type who stands for all that I am against. Yet, in a moment of hormone driven retardation, I began to throw myself at him. We went through the whole, "You're cute!" "You're cuter!" "Stop it! *blush*" "No, you stop it! *blush*" bullshit.

Well, he knew he was a cute kid. He had that season one Justin from QAF aire about him. Fucking obnoxious. So anyway, we spoke the next day. I was less horny and trying desperately to drag any sort of a personality out of him. I asked his favorite music, movies, actor, actress, food, animal, haircolor, smell, color, rock, tree, basically everything. I was desperate for anything that I could possibly use to get to know him. His response was always the same generic ass answer, "I don't know. There are alot. Remember I am a blond. Teehee." I DID say it was a hormone driven moment that I met him in. So after establishing that he was/is not in any way my type, I decided to get rid of him.

"So I am HIV +. I'll pick you up tomorrow night at 7." Silence. Well, no response anyway. "Are you serious?" he finally managed to mutter. "Yea. So 7 o'clock Thursday night. Dress nice because we are going to a nice restaurant."
"Oh, I just remembered, tomorrow night I have something I have to do."
"That's fine. Friday, then."
"Yea, ummmm, Friday is bad too."
"Well, I am off for a week, so you pick a day."
"Ya know what, Little Man, I don't think I am going to be able to take you out."

The little fucker did not even have the balls to tell me the real reason why he was all of a sudden "busy." I have little tolerance for that. He did at some point say, "But I am only 19." "I contracted it at 19, so what is your point." The thing is, I did understand his point. I would be lying if I said I am not jealous of him on some level, but at the same time, I still despise him. I loathe him and all that he stands for. Not him in particular, but HIM. You all know HIM. His type.

The world is beautiful, I am beautiful, everything is moonbeams and lollipops and a ray of the purest sunshine is radiating from my sphincter.

Yea. HIM. I take every opportunity to fuck his world up that I am given. Anything to dim that damned beam of light just a little.

You might be wondering how I contracted the "hiv". If so, you'll have to wait.

That is another story for another night.