It Must Be Love...I'm Pregnant
"Smitten" is such a southern sounding word. Earlier this week, while I was rambling on and on about military boy at work, the girl who works nightshift during my work week asked me if I am "smitten." I told her that I suppose I am. It just sounds so weird to me...smitten. It sounds like a word used to refer to baby gas. "Awwwwwww...did wittle baby wose his manners? Him must be smitten. Is him smitten? Yes, him is. Him IS smitten! Yes him is. Yes him is!" Smitten...I mean, what the hell.
"Swooning"...now THERE is a word. I love that word. To swoon. It just sounds exactly like what it means. Swooning. I want to meet the person who came up with that word. It is the most perfect word ever. EVER! And yes I am swooning.
He is great. Granted, he is out of town and all due to his work and they do not allow him to use a phone, but still, he is great. I wish he would hurry up and return to Hell so I can see him. Apparently, the gods did not like for me to refer to the South as Hell. As soon as I typed that, there was a huge roll of thunder and a flash of light. Probably lightning. Then again, it could, in all fairness, be my smitten neighbors lighting their lost manners on fire. God bless the drunken rednecks. And also, God, while I am talking to you, keep them away from me. Still not in the mood to squeal like a pig.
Enough about all that. I have decided that the hospital where I am working has a problem with the blind. I decided this a couple of weeks ago. I was about to get onto the elevator on one of the floors, when I noticed a sign hanging on the wall near the elevator's buttons. It read, "In case of fire use Emergency Stairs." Below this, in Braille, was written the same thing. Well, I assume the same thing was written. I must assume as I do not actually read Braille. Feel Braille? Do you read Braille or feel it? I don't know. At any rate, I assume it also read/felt/said to take the stairs.
So my first problem with this is the fact that they even have the Braille there. Surely in a hospital, if a fire were to actually break out, the hospital employees would not leave the poor blind bastard rubbing all over the walls in search of his or her salvation. It would be like a sick game of extreme pin the tail on the donkey where if you win, you live. Fail to find the donkey's beloved ass and you barbeque. I mean what is that?! Seriously, would you leave him or her to wander around baking while deep tissue massaging the walls? I think not. Well, I wouldn't anyway. Maybe I am a more sensitive person than most. I said more sensitive. I said nothing about being more pc.
My next problem with the whole thing is this. Okay, so let's just say Blind Bill (that is the hypothetical blind bastard's name) actually makes his way to the sign in one piece. He reads the Braille. He knows to go and find the Emergency Stairs if he ever wants to see the light of day again (and I swear I tried to think of another way to put it). Well, now he is forced to search the walls even more. He got his hopes up upon finding the Braille just to be crushed like a person who gets trapped in an automated phone call for five hours always feeling like he is on the verge of speaking to a live operator. He thought he had found salvation, but nope, not Bill. So he searches...And he searches...And he rubs...And he feels...And he rubs some more...and he feels some more... He does this until he is nothing but a pile of ash. He thought he found the Emergency Exit stairs Braille a couple of times, but the lumpy cinderblock walls were just taunting him. No, Blind Bill never finds the Emergency Exit stairs. Know why? Because the fucking geniuses who decided that putting Braille on the sign which reads, "In case of fire use Emergency Stairs," felt it was less important to have Braille on the actual fucking Emergency Stairs. Oh, there is a sign that reads "Emergency Stairs" on the emergency stairs, but there is no Braille to be found. Nada. None. Zip. Zilch. What in the shit hell kind of fucked up cruel joke is that? Basically, the hospital is saying, "Hey ya blind bastard! We realize that you are trapped in a pitchblack blazing inferno. And we DO want you to know that there IS, in fact, a way out. However, your survival is not our top priority. This is our little way of weeding out the 'gimps' and saying, 'Fuck you very much and have a nice day!'"
It just bothers me. I have complained to several people about it too. APPARENTLY, no one sees an obvious "fuck off and die" that we are sending out to our blind brethren as an important issue.
Hospitals are so warm and inviting.
"Smitten" is such a southern sounding word. Earlier this week, while I was rambling on and on about military boy at work, the girl who works nightshift during my work week asked me if I am "smitten." I told her that I suppose I am. It just sounds so weird to me...smitten. It sounds like a word used to refer to baby gas. "Awwwwwww...did wittle baby wose his manners? Him must be smitten. Is him smitten? Yes, him is. Him IS smitten! Yes him is. Yes him is!" Smitten...I mean, what the hell.
"Swooning"...now THERE is a word. I love that word. To swoon. It just sounds exactly like what it means. Swooning. I want to meet the person who came up with that word. It is the most perfect word ever. EVER! And yes I am swooning.
He is great. Granted, he is out of town and all due to his work and they do not allow him to use a phone, but still, he is great. I wish he would hurry up and return to Hell so I can see him. Apparently, the gods did not like for me to refer to the South as Hell. As soon as I typed that, there was a huge roll of thunder and a flash of light. Probably lightning. Then again, it could, in all fairness, be my smitten neighbors lighting their lost manners on fire. God bless the drunken rednecks. And also, God, while I am talking to you, keep them away from me. Still not in the mood to squeal like a pig.
Enough about all that. I have decided that the hospital where I am working has a problem with the blind. I decided this a couple of weeks ago. I was about to get onto the elevator on one of the floors, when I noticed a sign hanging on the wall near the elevator's buttons. It read, "In case of fire use Emergency Stairs." Below this, in Braille, was written the same thing. Well, I assume the same thing was written. I must assume as I do not actually read Braille. Feel Braille? Do you read Braille or feel it? I don't know. At any rate, I assume it also read/felt/said to take the stairs.
So my first problem with this is the fact that they even have the Braille there. Surely in a hospital, if a fire were to actually break out, the hospital employees would not leave the poor blind bastard rubbing all over the walls in search of his or her salvation. It would be like a sick game of extreme pin the tail on the donkey where if you win, you live. Fail to find the donkey's beloved ass and you barbeque. I mean what is that?! Seriously, would you leave him or her to wander around baking while deep tissue massaging the walls? I think not. Well, I wouldn't anyway. Maybe I am a more sensitive person than most. I said more sensitive. I said nothing about being more pc.
My next problem with the whole thing is this. Okay, so let's just say Blind Bill (that is the hypothetical blind bastard's name) actually makes his way to the sign in one piece. He reads the Braille. He knows to go and find the Emergency Stairs if he ever wants to see the light of day again (and I swear I tried to think of another way to put it). Well, now he is forced to search the walls even more. He got his hopes up upon finding the Braille just to be crushed like a person who gets trapped in an automated phone call for five hours always feeling like he is on the verge of speaking to a live operator. He thought he had found salvation, but nope, not Bill. So he searches...And he searches...And he rubs...And he feels...And he rubs some more...and he feels some more... He does this until he is nothing but a pile of ash. He thought he found the Emergency Exit stairs Braille a couple of times, but the lumpy cinderblock walls were just taunting him. No, Blind Bill never finds the Emergency Exit stairs. Know why? Because the fucking geniuses who decided that putting Braille on the sign which reads, "In case of fire use Emergency Stairs," felt it was less important to have Braille on the actual fucking Emergency Stairs. Oh, there is a sign that reads "Emergency Stairs" on the emergency stairs, but there is no Braille to be found. Nada. None. Zip. Zilch. What in the shit hell kind of fucked up cruel joke is that? Basically, the hospital is saying, "Hey ya blind bastard! We realize that you are trapped in a pitchblack blazing inferno. And we DO want you to know that there IS, in fact, a way out. However, your survival is not our top priority. This is our little way of weeding out the 'gimps' and saying, 'Fuck you very much and have a nice day!'"
It just bothers me. I have complained to several people about it too. APPARENTLY, no one sees an obvious "fuck off and die" that we are sending out to our blind brethren as an important issue.
Hospitals are so warm and inviting.
posted by Preston at 1:50 AM
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