If You Can't Beat'em, Make Lemonade

I have nothing to say tonight really, but how is that really any different from a typical day for me. I just cannot think of anything else to do. I guess I could do actual work, but I am all caught up until four. That is almost three hours away. I think I will call Father O'Flannigan. Ring. ..ring...ring...ring...Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system. Shit! I would call NN, but she is staying with her parents right now. They might be a lil upset with me if I did so. Who else can I call? Hmmmm...I'll just scroll thru my cell phone contacts list. Dutch date is in bed. He told me he was going to bed a couple of hours ago. I'll call Coop. Ring...ring...Hello? Hang on I am on the phone. Okay. I'm back. Coop told me that the thought of me in the cowboy hat and the queer cowboy outfit from Saturday night made his stuff do stuff in his pants. I love Coop. He always knows how to inflate my ego. Granted, he can also deflate it just as quickly. Tonight he pumped it up though. Happy.

I cannot be this boring. I have put the lotion on my skin soas to not get the hose again. I have done all my work. I have looked at every possible thing that the internet has to offer. I could read my book I guess. Actually, I am wanting to know what happened to that bitch. It is a good book so far. Or I suppose I could just go to some site and learn French all night. Hmm... What is there to do in a hospital at 1:21 am. A whole lotta nothing. If I didn't work in the pharmacy I could ride around the hospital in a wheelchair. Pharmacy does not have that much demand for wheelchairs I am afraid. I would climb up and down the stairs, but my legs still friggin hurt. I could go and count the stairs. That would kill all of about 2 minutes. I could go to the floors and start carolling. I guess I could wrap a garbage bag around my neck for a makeshift scarf. Not sure that anyone would enjoy that though. Prolly get fired. I could always cover my body in those little adhesive reinforcement hole saver label things that you put on torn three ring binder paper holes. I don't know why I would do it, but I guess it is still something I could do. I could always just go on yet another smoke break, but I only have one cigarette left. I could go to the ER waiting room and carry a tray of little medicine cups with placebos in them for all the people who are waiting. Tell them, "Here, this will help calm you a bit." I could draw a tattoo on my arm. I could pretend I just met someone really famous. I think I'll do that. Oh my GOD!! You will never believe who I just met! Guess. No really, guess! No. Close, but no. I just met Ricky Schroder! No kidding, Ricky fucking SCHRODER!!! Well, that killed about fifteen seconds. Father O'Flannigan just called!! Hoorah! It is now 1:53am and he is going to bring me something to eat. That is why I love him. He is my sexless lover. I think I will sing a song for him. This is Sweet Caroline by Neil Diamond but covered by Preston Lastname. Ahem.

Boo boo bah dee dah do bee bebopity do be booby (I can't remember the beginning. I'll just skip ahead.) Haaands. Touching haaands. Reaching ouuut. Touching ME! Touching YOOOU! SWEET Father O'Flannigan. OH OH OH. Good Times was one hell of a show! I'd be inclined. OH OH OH. To say it's the best ever made, ya know oh oh oh...

Now for my cover of Brother Love's Travellin' Salvation Show by Neil Diamond and performed my me, of course. I am pretty sure that that is its name. I'll just skip to the parts I know.

Put your hand in mine, Father O'Flannigan. We could drink some wine. Pigs can be called swine. To eat is also to dine. halle Halle HALLe HALLE!! LOVE Brother Love dee dovey dove's travellin' salvation show! Halle HALLE! Beat up some babies and little old ladies and take all their dough. Halle HALLE! Rub, rub a dubbie dub a dub travellin' salvation show! Halle HALLE! Yes I have scabies, mild case of the rabies let everyone know! Halle HALLE! Chug, chug a lug a duggie dug trabullin hospital yo! Holly HOLLY! Ping ong uh nadies a ching bongin bradies a tee doe boo doe!.....(fade out)

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AOL Instant Messenger convo I just had with Father O'Flannigan:
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Father O: Don't get sassy just b/c ur behind a computer screen.

Preston: It makes me feel safe.

FO: Remember I do know where you work... and live. ha ha ha

P: I aint scared of you, jive turkey.

FO: Bring it on!

Auto response from Preston: Before you get up for that final snack, I want you to know I ate your cat.

FO: NO NOT WHISKERS!

P: IM me if you go to bed before I get back. I'll be back in 30 minutes

P: from

P: ........

P: NOW!

FO: Hello?

P: I am back.

FO: *shudders*

P: All is right in the world once more.

FO: Blah I'm tired.

P: So, wake up.

FO: Shut the fuck up.

P: I am tired too, ass wiper.

FO: Your so brave. You do have to come home sometime.

P: No I don't. I could live here with a cute intern.

FO: lol

P: Speaking of cute interns...is my icon still a fetus?

FO: lol It's not showing up.

P: Damn! It used to be a singing fetus. I took a screenshot from some fucked up Alanis Morissey or Tori Anus video. It was a cute fetus though.

FO: All fetuses are cute.

P: Especially dipped in honey mustard. Mmmmmm honey mustard...

FO: lol You sick fuck.

P: Okay fine. Buffalo wing sauce. Whatever that is called.

FO: Yeah that's better.

P: But that makes the babies squirm as it is so hot and all. Fucking pansy babies.

P: I think I am going to put this conversation on my blog. Say hello to the nice people.

FO: Okie. Write about me.

P: Well, say hello to NN as she is the only person who reads it.

P: SAY HELLO BITCH!!

P: Please sir.

P: Do it for Melvin Davis!

P: Are you touching your special no no you pervert?

P: Actually, you probably just went to bed and left your thing on so I'd sit here and be talking to myself.

P: I hate you.

P: See because now I am going to have to sit here for the next 3 and a half hours talking to myself and pretend you are there.

P: I have to do work for a minute, so don't stop not being there.

P: I'll brb.

P: I'm back

P: I know you missed me.

P: Well, you will once you wake up and realize that for 3 1/2 hours I sat and professed my undying love to a man who just up and went to bed without so much as a "I hate you Preston."

P: Ya know, when I was young,

P: I never ever needed anyone.

P: And making love

P: Oh yea, it was just for fun.

P: There! I said it.

P: But ya know what?

P: Those days are done.

P: ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL BYYYYYYYYYYY MYYYYYYYYsaaaaaaaaaaay-E-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelf

P: Don't wanna be

P: ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL BYYYYYYYYYYY MYYYYYYYYsaaaaaaaaaaay-E-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelf

P: anymore!!!

P: Okay fine! I am going to return to my blog.

P: Bye!

P: Did you go to Wal-Mark to by some turlet papuh?

P: I bet you did

P: Oh you silly boy!

P: I guess it is okay now. I forgive you, silly willy nilly billy frilly head!

P: Bye!
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Later Consuela.