Base Jumping with Anvils
I have a part-time job. It is one that I have had during the on-seasons for, I guess, two years now. It helps get me ready for the holidays and catch up on bills. Basically, there is really good money in it. I am a prostitute. Well, not in the conventional sense of the word. I am actually a writing slut. People pay me to write research papers for them. My fee depends on the difficulty of the subject matter, difficulty of the professor, required length of the paper, the person for whom I am writing the paper, the final grade received on the work, and the amount of interest I have in the subject about which I am to write. Many other things factor into it, but those are the main ones. I do not consider it to be wrong or cheating. I just know that I am good at writing papers, so why not make a quick buck off of it. I have never written a paper for anyone that has made less than an 'A'. Someone once brought a paper back to me saying that he received a 'B' on it. He was pretty stoked as he didn't often make that high on anything he writes. I was pissed. I asked why it did not receive an 'A'. He said that there was a fused sentence in it. I asked to see this alleged run-on. He showed me. I will admit, it was an EXTREMELY long sentence. I tend to write sentences that are crazylong in essays. However, it was not a fused sentence. The grammar was perfect. Punctuation, also perfect. Everything was grammatically correct. I told him to go and argue the grade. He said he was happy with the 'B'. I told him that either he could go and argue it or I would. It is an 'A' paper, and I will not accept anything less. I mean, had it actually been incorrect, I would have accepted it, but it was flawless. As perfect as my left ass cheek. More perfect actually. My ass cheeks are all droopy. Anyway, to make a short story long, he protested the grade and received an 'A'. I knew that the professor just didn't want to give an 'A', but that is just not my problem. Then I slapped the professor across the jaw. That'll teach him to try and ruin my perfect record for 'A' papers. Don't fuck with my money! I lose ten dollars for every letter grade below an 'A' that the paper receives. Bastard pissed me off. Damn the man! Hell, damn the woman too while you are out damning people! Damn everyone! Wait don't damn Aborigines. I like them.
Paper prostitution also makes me feel powerful. I mean, if I so choose, I could easily just not write the paper at the last minute or make it perfectly clear that I have plagiarised thereby causing the person to be expelled. Makes you feel powerful when you know that you could easily cause someone's life to be temporarily ruined without taking any punishment whatsoever yourself. I have never done that, nor would I ever do that. Well, I would probably not do that. I just think it is a cool feeling knowing that I hold someone's future in my hands. Mwahahahahaha......
So next on the veranda, I am going to talk about something without actually saying anything about what I am actually talking about. That way, if, in the future, it is ever thrown back in my face, I can always hang on to the fact that I never actually said what I am really saying, but merely said something about something that is unrelated to what I am saying while still being relevant enough to what I am actually meaning to say without openly saying what I am actually meaning. Get it? Got it? Good!
Base jumping, I think, would have to be the most exhilarating feeling in the world. Sky diving seems like it would be more safe and less nerve racking, because you get to slowly ascend and prepare yourself for what you are about to do. You can see it coming slowly. You have time to get comfortable with it. You have time to calm yourself down and can take a little time before making the leap. Also, you can jump with someone else strapped to you, using them as a security blanket if you so choose. In the end, there is plenty of time to mentally ready yourself before making a small hop into the plunge.
With base jumping, you do not have the luxury of a security blanket. There is no slow ascension to soothe and prepare yourself. You don't just take a little hop over a vast open field. With base jumping, you are standing on the edge one moment and the next you are taking a running leap. The fall is more dangerous as there are rocks and cliffs that you could easily slam against on the way down. Basically, you are going from standing safely to a running, flying leap. To me that is much more intense. It seems to me to be more unexpected. I think I'd be more afraid of my chute not opening on the way down from a cliff dive than from sky diving. When it is all said and done, the end results of base diving just seem much more rewarding and exciting. I don't know. I think I am base jumping. That is all about that.
Later Consuela.
I have a part-time job. It is one that I have had during the on-seasons for, I guess, two years now. It helps get me ready for the holidays and catch up on bills. Basically, there is really good money in it. I am a prostitute. Well, not in the conventional sense of the word. I am actually a writing slut. People pay me to write research papers for them. My fee depends on the difficulty of the subject matter, difficulty of the professor, required length of the paper, the person for whom I am writing the paper, the final grade received on the work, and the amount of interest I have in the subject about which I am to write. Many other things factor into it, but those are the main ones. I do not consider it to be wrong or cheating. I just know that I am good at writing papers, so why not make a quick buck off of it. I have never written a paper for anyone that has made less than an 'A'. Someone once brought a paper back to me saying that he received a 'B' on it. He was pretty stoked as he didn't often make that high on anything he writes. I was pissed. I asked why it did not receive an 'A'. He said that there was a fused sentence in it. I asked to see this alleged run-on. He showed me. I will admit, it was an EXTREMELY long sentence. I tend to write sentences that are crazylong in essays. However, it was not a fused sentence. The grammar was perfect. Punctuation, also perfect. Everything was grammatically correct. I told him to go and argue the grade. He said he was happy with the 'B'. I told him that either he could go and argue it or I would. It is an 'A' paper, and I will not accept anything less. I mean, had it actually been incorrect, I would have accepted it, but it was flawless. As perfect as my left ass cheek. More perfect actually. My ass cheeks are all droopy. Anyway, to make a short story long, he protested the grade and received an 'A'. I knew that the professor just didn't want to give an 'A', but that is just not my problem. Then I slapped the professor across the jaw. That'll teach him to try and ruin my perfect record for 'A' papers. Don't fuck with my money! I lose ten dollars for every letter grade below an 'A' that the paper receives. Bastard pissed me off. Damn the man! Hell, damn the woman too while you are out damning people! Damn everyone! Wait don't damn Aborigines. I like them.
Paper prostitution also makes me feel powerful. I mean, if I so choose, I could easily just not write the paper at the last minute or make it perfectly clear that I have plagiarised thereby causing the person to be expelled. Makes you feel powerful when you know that you could easily cause someone's life to be temporarily ruined without taking any punishment whatsoever yourself. I have never done that, nor would I ever do that. Well, I would probably not do that. I just think it is a cool feeling knowing that I hold someone's future in my hands. Mwahahahahaha......
So next on the veranda, I am going to talk about something without actually saying anything about what I am actually talking about. That way, if, in the future, it is ever thrown back in my face, I can always hang on to the fact that I never actually said what I am really saying, but merely said something about something that is unrelated to what I am saying while still being relevant enough to what I am actually meaning to say without openly saying what I am actually meaning. Get it? Got it? Good!
Base jumping, I think, would have to be the most exhilarating feeling in the world. Sky diving seems like it would be more safe and less nerve racking, because you get to slowly ascend and prepare yourself for what you are about to do. You can see it coming slowly. You have time to get comfortable with it. You have time to calm yourself down and can take a little time before making the leap. Also, you can jump with someone else strapped to you, using them as a security blanket if you so choose. In the end, there is plenty of time to mentally ready yourself before making a small hop into the plunge.
With base jumping, you do not have the luxury of a security blanket. There is no slow ascension to soothe and prepare yourself. You don't just take a little hop over a vast open field. With base jumping, you are standing on the edge one moment and the next you are taking a running leap. The fall is more dangerous as there are rocks and cliffs that you could easily slam against on the way down. Basically, you are going from standing safely to a running, flying leap. To me that is much more intense. It seems to me to be more unexpected. I think I'd be more afraid of my chute not opening on the way down from a cliff dive than from sky diving. When it is all said and done, the end results of base diving just seem much more rewarding and exciting. I don't know. I think I am base jumping. That is all about that.
Later Consuela.
posted by Preston at 8:29 PM
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