Tuesday, February 08, 2005

The Year of the Lemur

So my one year anniversary of having a blog was six days ago. I meant to go back, read all of my past posts, and do a long entry about what I have learned in the past year. Needlesstosay (a term I have never really fully understood), that did not happen. So now it is the eighth. I am six days late, but what can you do? So here is a quick summary of what has happened with me to date. Actually, I will skim each month and do a quick monthly play-by-play. By now you should know what my definition of quick is, so prepare yourselves for a long installment. Here goes.

February: I decided to be a hard bodied New Orleans prostitute who hated the gay scene, and I fucked a French speaking Military guy. I tried my hand at plumbing to no avail. I tried to abolish discrimination against the blind at the hospital where I worked while simultaneously trying to promote discrimination against young, ignorant, blond haired twinkie fags. I was living with my mom, fighting off attempts at making me squeal like a pig, drinking lots of wine, and listening to old blues and Italian music. I was working with a garden gnome/bridge troll hybrid and hitting on lesbians. I met Sweet Boy (One of the few who have remained a friend) and his bowel movement of a boyfriend, Rush (they are STILL together. What the fuck IS a RUSH?!?!?!). I quit smoking again, slept with Miss Ellouise/Buddha reincarnate, and continued a love affair with Freddy Krueger. Little Gay, Father O'Flannigan and I started hanging out. Father O and I decided to eat babies and a homeless man broke into my car, prompting me to admit my pretension.

March: I decided to become a braindead model of Arabic women's clothing. I also fell in love with silent films. I quit quitting smoking. I dated an Oompah Loompah named Guapo with racist grandparent Loompahs. I told my pregnant sister that her baby was prolly dead. I became a lesbian. I wanted to switch the gender of people against their will. Hold music. Consuela's christening. My pet old lady, Ester. Fiber diet. Stalker. Father O'Flannigan became sexless bed buddy. FUPA and watched a man almost die.

April: The horse sex addict and Shit Guy. Pompous ass. Karma hated me. Nicole's crazy ass. Guapo's certifiable ass. My alcoholic ass. Deaf at the library and blind for Passion. Prayer, a poem, and bitched about Eeyore and life in general. Suicidal cutter, got laid off, and the beginnings of attempting home wreckage.

May: Japan and the crack queen. Xanax scriptless. Lexapro with script. The start of my crack addiction or "relationship" with JT. My ab scare. Big Nasty tried to take me home and feelings that just would not DIE!

June: Moved in with Father O'Flannigan. Father O'Flannigan's bedtime stories. Pub Quiz. HIV-negative sympathizer. Got a job. Watersports. Crazy creepy guy. Very, VERY sick. Wobucks and his meth problem. Father O hated me for being unreliable. LOTS OF HEROINE USAGE aka the JT "relationship" thing. My favorite things that I love. Father O, Father O, Father O'Flannigan.

July: Buckey Baby. Rubella Octavian Chanteuse LePrix Jonelopy Jones's illness. Baby Zouiey. UGH, more JT and the JT smackdown. Drew got his. The Catcher in the Rye. Reconnecting with Eeyore. The 23 Steps to a Better Me. Propositioned by a past fling. More Father O'Flannigan.

August: Random conversation with a crazy person. Ellen Degeneres. Father O and I grew obsessed with the Cracker Barrel breakfast and old people. Making light of Gay dot commies. Bea Arthur. Shrimp at the Happy Japan Cook in Front of You Palace of Dragon Eating Golden Ducks. Nataschia and I moved in together. The origin of Dutch Date. Hypochondria and OCD. Catching flack. The marriage of Tangent and Cotangent and that awesome fucking chicken. Random photos. My Olympic coverage!!! Brazil. Special thanks. Opening the box. Beginning my novel. The start of...bum bum bum...the AUDIO BLOGS!

September: Acystay's wedding. 23 year old meltdown. Mountain climbing with Brazil and PVDD's. Becoming a local Memphisite from out of town.

October: Molestation, running over the homeless, and young master MC Matt.

November: That whole drunken phone call fiasco. My grandfather passed away. Lactating Powder got a facelift.

December: Ellen got an email from me about neglecting to mention World AIDS Day. Lotsa Audio Blogs. Toys-R-Us and I became a Jew. Smoked the peacepipe. Depressed at Christmas and recurring old feelings. The Darkness!!!

January: Commenting. Malice. Wicked. Giving up on men. My needed restraining order. Jason in Afghanistan. MC Matt's little old man doll. The meeting of my boyfriend, Bookie Muffin (I love that name hahaha).

So that's pretty much all of the written events of my last year. What have I learned? Well, I have met alot of random, meaningless people. I have also made a lot of good lasting relationships. I am kind of an asshole most of the time. All in all, it was not a horrible year. Eventful, but not a total waste of three hundred sixty-five days. I'll keep posting. This has been fun. To both of you readers, thanks for reading and I hope you have enjoyed reading all my rants thusfar.

My theme song for this year will be Galvanize by The Chemical Brothers featuring Q-Tip.

Galvanize

(Don't hold back)
cuz you woke up in the morning with initiative to move,
so why make it harder

(Don't hold back)
If you think about it so many people do, be cool man, look smarter,

(Don't hold back)
and you shouldn't even care, about the noses in the air,
and their crooked stares,

(Don't hold back)
cuz there's a party over here, so you might aswell be here,
where the people care,

The world is holding back
the time has come to...

The world is holding back
the time has come to...

The world is holding back
the time has come to...

Galvanize,

(Don't hold back)
If you think about it too much you may stumble,
trip up fall on your face,

(Don't hold back)
You think it is time you get up fresh style
like a sit-up come on keep pace

(Don't hold back)
Put apprehension on the back burner,
let it sit, don't even get it lit,

(Don't hold back)
Get involved with the jam,
don't be a prick, hot chick, beat it thick (don't think that part is correct)

(Don't hold back)

The World

The World
The time has come to -
Push the button

The World
The time has come to -
Push the button

The World
The time has come to -
Push the button

The World

My finger is on the button
My finger is on the button
My finger is on the button
Push the button
The time has come to...

Galvanize


Later Consuela.