Monday, September 06, 2004


Yesterday was the worse day of my life. I am overreacting a little. I am sure that there has been at least one that was worse than yesterday. Maybe not. I don't know. Whether there has been one worse than yesterday, yesterday still sucked in a most horrible way. Yesterday was the first day of my adult life. For most, it probably starts earlier. Maybe later actually. Maybe at the same time as it did for me. I turned twenty-three yesterday. I have always looked at twenty-three the way most people look at thirty. I feel old. I feel really, really old.

Resume by Dorothy Parker
Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.

No, twenty-three is not all that old. In fact, it is pretty young. Yes, I realize that twenty-three is still young for most. But I feel old. It is, for me, much much older. I took some real age quiz thing online awhile back, and it said that I am thirty something years old. I am aging at a much more rapid pace than most people. I will probably be dead within the next five years. I am pretty sure that I will be either killed by someone (probably myself), will be killed by illness (probably SARS), or killed from exhaustion (probably from moving large furniture and working weird hours). I am feeling a little sensitive, extremely tired, a little unappreciated, extremely alone, a little taken advantage of, and extremely old. I have not accomplished what I had hoped to by this point in my life. I am actually working toward my goals now, which is a nice change, but still. I am just feeling a little down. I am probably just really tired. I know exactly how I feel and everything, but I am going to write about it elsewhere. Too many people that I'd need to mention read this thing. Actually, if you are reading this right now and we have at any point in our lives actually met in person, chances are you are one of the people. And there are quite a few of you that have made me feel this way. It was not intentional on anyone's part to make me feel the way that I do. Well as far as I know it was not intentional. I don't know. I have just started thinking about alot of things lately. Too many emotions to deal with right now. I'll write about something else.

My kid sis got married today. The wedding was extremely small. She couldn't stop giggling the whole time they exchanged their vows. It was cute. After the wedding, at the reception at my mom's house, I found out why gluttony is one of the seven deadly sins. I completely gorged myself. I acted like I'd never tasted food before. I ate until my stomach was literally poking out stuffed. I was holding my niece, Zoiey, who weighs like a pound or two. She had fallen asleep on my stomach. She felt like she weighed about fifty pounds. She was killing my tummy.

I took a shower before work and proceeded to make myself puke, not in the shower or course, for about ten minutes. I am not going to go into disgusting detail, but I apparently was not chewing any of the food that I had shoveled in earlier. That is all I have to say about that.

About the wedding, I am glad my sis got married to the guy. He is really nice and responsible and is going to treat her right. She needs that I think. She is really a great gal. She's bipolar and crazy as hell, but she'd do anything in the world to help someone out. My sister and my mother are the most selfless people I have ever met. I am just really glad my sis is happy. I think that good things happen to good people. My sister has driven me crazy in the past, but she really is good people. She deserves to be happy. So even though you do not read this, CONGRATULATIONS Acystay! Ya got what you deserved.

Later Consuela.