Saturday, January 01, 2005

this is an audio post - click to play
this is an audio post - click to play

Friday, December 31, 2004

this is an audio post - click to play
Lost in 100 Acres
Pity? Party of One.

So Christmas has come and gone. I did not want to post on Christmas day as I am Jewish and didn't feel the need. My immediate family actually got together on Christmas Eve and had dinner. We have not been together, at the same table, having dinner at my mom's house, in seven years. That is kind of sad. It was nice though. The whole family was there. Tangent and Cotangent. My step-sis and her boyfriend of five years. My sis, her hubby, and Zouiey. My parents, of course. Then there was me. It really ws nice, but it made me feel a bit lonely. I think I am going to always be the single, gay uncle/brother/son/cousin who is always alone at family functions. I guess I just became very comfortable being with Eeyore and having him with me for family events. He went on family vacation with us last year (hadn't had a family vacation in a couple of years before that). He was there for Christmas. Went to dinner with myself and my mom or sister or brother or some other random family member. I don't know it was just comforting, I guess.

I spent Christmas day this year sitting at my mom's house alone. I was all right with being alone until the night of Christmas Eve. I was up all night (like always) watching television. I started to think about how nice it was to have someone. My brother and his wife had left. My sis, bro-in-law, and niece had gone back home. My step-sis and her boyfriend had gone to bed as had my parents. I was left alone in the living room. I just sat there. Watching tv. The movie Jeffrey was on one of the channels at around three or four in the morning. I knew better than to watch it, but watched anyway. It always depresses me. It is about a guy, Steve, who falls for another guy, Jeffrey. Jeffrey is interested in him until he finds out that Steve is HIV poz. He freaks out a little, but still has feelings for him, though he could never be involved with someone with HIV. It is always an emotional rollercoaster for me. Here is one of my favorite and most wrenching moments in it.

Steve is saying this to Jeffrey. This is just after telling Jeffrey that he is positive, being stood up by Jeffrey, and then bumping into him on the street.

Steve: I've been positive for almost five years. I was sick once. My T-cells are decent, and every once in awhile, like fifty times a day, an hour, I get very tired of being a person with AIDs, a red ribbon. So sometimes I choose to be just a gay man with a dick. Can you understand at all? I want you, Jeffrey. I may very well even love you. That means nothing? Hey, that should beat anything. That should win.

This whole feeling of loneliness and hopelessness was just magnified when I made the mistake of going to the gay Jackson wateringhole on Christmas night. It is depressing enough in and of itself, but while there, I ran into everybody. Actually that was not even so bad. Granted, many of them I did not care to see, some ex's and stuff, but I looked good Saturday night. Looking cute and feeling cute always seems to make things seem at least slightly better. Then I bumped into this guy that I have always been pretty interested in. He is nice, funny, really cute. Never wanted to date or anything, but just an interesting guy. So I went home with him Saturday night. When I mentioned to him that I am down with the sickness, you could see the terror in his eyes. There would be no sex for either of us that night. How could I be expected to keep it up while being looked at like I am a crazed psychopath or serial rapist. Steve pretty much summed up the way I feel. I am just tired of being a red ribbon.

Later Consuela.

Thursday, December 30, 2004

If Madonna made "Horror Films"

Darkness would definitely be it. One of my major problems with the movie could probably be blamed on a lack of communication between the writer and the director. Considering Jaume Balaguero both wrote and directed it, I guess it is understandable how they could not get together and discuss things. Things like location. The movie is set in Spain, yet, no one spoke Spanish in it. None of the newspapers were in Spanish. None of the DJs on the radio. None of the television shows. None of the neighbours. Not even the old house was Spanish. The only thing Spanish in the movie was a glimpse of a drawing that one of the dead children had done. I think it said something like, "I love my dad," only in Spanish. The setting of a movie would seem to be kind of a major part of it, but maybe that is just me.

Anna Paquin, the daughter, began the film overacting and did not stop until its abrupt, anticlimactic conclusion. Actually 'anticlimactic' is an inappropriate word to use as there was no rise in this movie at all. Not even Viagra could have gotten a swell out of this movie.

Stephan Enquist, the son, was the only cast member who did a decent job. Which is kind of sad considering he was the only child actor in the movie. Oh wait. There were also the children who had the difficult task of standing in the shadows. Woo! Now that's talent. Although, Enquist only had to form a love affair with a box of colored pencils. Then there was the whole subplot of the power struggle between the ghosts and young master Enquist over who would have control of the mighty green colored pencil. Everyone knows that green is a ghost's favorite color. It brings me to tears just thinking about it.

As for Lena Olin, the wife, why oh why did you think that this was a good project to get involved with? I like you so much. Was it money? If so, you could have asked and I would have let you borrow some. Okay fine. You could have had the money. What were you thinking?!

To Iain Glen, the father, what the freak was your freaking problem you freaking moron? I guess that one of my major freaking problems with you had abso-freaking-lutely nothing to do with you. All in all, it did make me freaking laugh quite a freaking bit, but not enough to salvage the 95 freaking minutes of my life that I will never again see. What the freak?

Later Consuela.