Saturday, September 25, 2004

Back to the Box

I read a couple of these, a couple being around fifty, and decided to put them on here. A few made me laugh out loud. Conceited? Of course.

If you read the entry below this it explains the quote and comment setup. Well, even if you don't read it, it is still there explaining it. I mean it is not going to change just because you won't read it, dumbass.

And now, it is time once more for One from the Box.
Quote Group One:

People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.
- Joseph Fort Newton

Bridges can fall. Walls can also fall, but they're a lot stronger. I like to build walls. It's fun. Walls make you more mysterious. Bridges are just there. You go across and then, well, there is no 'and then.' You just go across. That's boring. With walls, you get to at least wonder what's on the other side.

Quote Group Two:

What is intended as a little white lie often ends up as a double feature in technicolor.
-Madena R. Wallingford

When you lie, you always get sucked so deeply into it that, before you know it, you are fighting Jewish Nazis on a spaceship that abducted you and Liza Manelli. Unless, of course, you are a master at lying. I am a master. I can usually lie my way out of anything. It's a gift.

Quote Group Three:

To some people, a tree is a tree is something so incredibly beautiful that it brings tears to the eyes. To others, it is just a green thing that stands in the way.
-William Blake

Trees are quite large. I love trees. They don't make me cry, though. I'm sure if one fell on me I'd cry. Or die. I want to be a tree hugger.

Quote Group Four:

To understand any living thing, you must, so to say, creep within and feel the beating of its heart.
-W. Macneile Dixon

I cut open a dead cow once and felt of its heart. I also slept inside the cow. It's really warm and toasty. I likey the cowy.

Quote Group Five:

Instead of crying over spilt milk, go milk another cow.

I had fresh milk when I slept in that cow that time. It was good milk. It tasted funny. I can't figure out why.

Quote Group Six:

If you miss seven balls out of ten, you're batting three hundred, and that's good enough for the Hall of Fame. You can't score if you keep the bat on your shoulder.
-Walter B. Wriston

Just because you are no good at something doesn't mean you shouldn't try. If you never try, you can never improve. If you never improve, your peers will never stop making fun of you. That will lead to homicide which will lead to prison. Basically, if you never try things, you'll go to prison.

Quote Group Seven:

I cannot pretend to feel impartial about colors. I rejoice with the brilliant ones and am genuinely sorry for the poor browns.
-Sir Winston Churchill

I like dark colors. They are morbid according to most people. I don't see it that way. Without dark colors, there would be no night. We wouldn't have dark chocolate. We would be stuck in a world of pink bunnies and daisies and a lot of happy puffy clouds dancing a lilly-loo to the melody of the Sea of Tranquility. On South Park, the Devil said, "Without evil there could be no good, so it must be good to be evil sometimes." Not to say that dark colors mean you are evil. I'm not saying that it doesn't either. I don't know what I am saying. Nevermind.

Quote Group Eight:

Wisdom never kicks at the iron walls it can't bring down.
-Olive Schreiner

Blow not against the hurricane.

I don't agree with, "Blow not against the hurricane." To me, that says, "Go with the flow." I think to even suggest that is ridiculous. It also means don't go against something you cannot possibly beat. I think everything has a weakness. The trick is finding that weakness. Once it's found, use it to bring that thing down. Don't be scared. So, if someone is bothering you, hit them where it hurts. If your boss is being a pain, get him fired. If you live in Florida and there is a hurricane on your front porch, well, don't blow against it. You should have already evacuated, idiot.


Later Consuela.
One from the Box...Again

This was actually written September 8th, but I apparently did not publish it. It has been saved as a draft this whole time.

These are two things I wrote for a class that I took way back when. The assignment was to give our thoughts on several quotes that we were given.

And now, here is One from the Box.
Quote Group One:

Gardens are not made by singing "Oh, how beautiful!" and sitting in the shade.
-Rudyard Kipling

Few wishes come true by themselves.
-June Smith

Just because you want something to happen, doesn't mean it will happen. You have to work for what you want out of life. No one has a genie or a magic wand. Christina Aguilera may think she is a genie, but I doubt you will get what you want from her by rubbing all over her. Unless, of course, that was your wish. Then I guess you could.

If you want fast cash, pull your teeth and pray for a fairy. Because nothing is given away. If you think you can make your dreams come true by simply wishing for them, you need to click your heels together three times and repeat, "There's no place like reality," because you obviously haven't visited there in awhile. Have a nice day.

Quote Group Two:

I don't want everyone to like me. I should think less of myself if some people did.
-Henry James

If you don't have enemies, you don't have character.
-Paul Newman
(Paul Newman by the way is my secret lover. I cannot remember if I have mentioned that in my blog before. I guess it is no secret now.)

Personally, I don't want everyone to like me. I would think less of myself if Adolf Hitler did. Would you want to be known as Charles Manson's best friend? I don't think so.

We all need enemies. If we had no enemies, where could we get rid of excess negative energy? Nowhere. You would probably see people's heads exploding from all the built up pressure. One day while walking down the street with some friends, you'll hear an explosion. When you look over, you'll see little Johnny Johnston on the ground. All you can think to say is, "And then there were two."

Instead of allowing your head to explode, explode at an enemy. It's safer, cleaner, and a whole lot more fun.

Later Consuela.

Thursday, September 23, 2004

Base Jumping with Anvils

I have a part-time job. It is one that I have had during the on-seasons for, I guess, two years now. It helps get me ready for the holidays and catch up on bills. Basically, there is really good money in it. I am a prostitute. Well, not in the conventional sense of the word. I am actually a writing slut. People pay me to write research papers for them. My fee depends on the difficulty of the subject matter, difficulty of the professor, required length of the paper, the person for whom I am writing the paper, the final grade received on the work, and the amount of interest I have in the subject about which I am to write. Many other things factor into it, but those are the main ones. I do not consider it to be wrong or cheating. I just know that I am good at writing papers, so why not make a quick buck off of it. I have never written a paper for anyone that has made less than an 'A'. Someone once brought a paper back to me saying that he received a 'B' on it. He was pretty stoked as he didn't often make that high on anything he writes. I was pissed. I asked why it did not receive an 'A'. He said that there was a fused sentence in it. I asked to see this alleged run-on. He showed me. I will admit, it was an EXTREMELY long sentence. I tend to write sentences that are crazylong in essays. However, it was not a fused sentence. The grammar was perfect. Punctuation, also perfect. Everything was grammatically correct. I told him to go and argue the grade. He said he was happy with the 'B'. I told him that either he could go and argue it or I would. It is an 'A' paper, and I will not accept anything less. I mean, had it actually been incorrect, I would have accepted it, but it was flawless. As perfect as my left ass cheek. More perfect actually. My ass cheeks are all droopy. Anyway, to make a short story long, he protested the grade and received an 'A'. I knew that the professor just didn't want to give an 'A', but that is just not my problem. Then I slapped the professor across the jaw. That'll teach him to try and ruin my perfect record for 'A' papers. Don't fuck with my money! I lose ten dollars for every letter grade below an 'A' that the paper receives. Bastard pissed me off. Damn the man! Hell, damn the woman too while you are out damning people! Damn everyone! Wait don't damn Aborigines. I like them.

Paper prostitution also makes me feel powerful. I mean, if I so choose, I could easily just not write the paper at the last minute or make it perfectly clear that I have plagiarised thereby causing the person to be expelled. Makes you feel powerful when you know that you could easily cause someone's life to be temporarily ruined without taking any punishment whatsoever yourself. I have never done that, nor would I ever do that. Well, I would probably not do that. I just think it is a cool feeling knowing that I hold someone's future in my hands. Mwahahahahaha......

So next on the veranda, I am going to talk about something without actually saying anything about what I am actually talking about. That way, if, in the future, it is ever thrown back in my face, I can always hang on to the fact that I never actually said what I am really saying, but merely said something about something that is unrelated to what I am saying while still being relevant enough to what I am actually meaning to say without openly saying what I am actually meaning. Get it? Got it? Good!

Base jumping, I think, would have to be the most exhilarating feeling in the world. Sky diving seems like it would be more safe and less nerve racking, because you get to slowly ascend and prepare yourself for what you are about to do. You can see it coming slowly. You have time to get comfortable with it. You have time to calm yourself down and can take a little time before making the leap. Also, you can jump with someone else strapped to you, using them as a security blanket if you so choose. In the end, there is plenty of time to mentally ready yourself before making a small hop into the plunge.

With base jumping, you do not have the luxury of a security blanket. There is no slow ascension to soothe and prepare yourself. You don't just take a little hop over a vast open field. With base jumping, you are standing on the edge one moment and the next you are taking a running leap. The fall is more dangerous as there are rocks and cliffs that you could easily slam against on the way down. Basically, you are going from standing safely to a running, flying leap. To me that is much more intense. It seems to me to be more unexpected. I think I'd be more afraid of my chute not opening on the way down from a cliff dive than from sky diving. When it is all said and done, the end results of base diving just seem much more rewarding and exciting. I don't know. I think I am base jumping. That is all about that.

Later Consuela.

Sunday, September 19, 2004

Well, Isn't That Special

I just made it home from Memphis. It was alot of fun, but I have already spoken about it, so I will talk about something else.

I made it home and NN was sitting in front of the computer reading my blog. Since she was already connected to the internet and all, I decided to jump on and check my email. I had a comment on one of my entries. You can read it on the audioblog below. I thought it was a really funny way of saying that my blog sucks. It was funny when it was only a comment. Upon reading the blog of the guy who left the comment, I thought it was hilarious. Apparently, he goes from blog to blog leaving very weak insults about each blog that he visits. He then uses people's responses to his comments for his own blog instead of actually writing something original on his own. I was going to email him but saw no point in it. If that's what gets him off, I say go for it. At least the sheep of Waco, Texas will be able to rest easy knowing that he has found a diferent means of sexual gratification. That is all of the time that I will waste talking about him.

Later Consuela.
this is an audio post - click to play