Thursday, June 10, 2004

I Saw Something Nasty in the Woodshed

So I wanted to start off by placing this link to the article thing that I responded to as my response made it to the page, and I was not alone in my feelings on the issue.

I pissed in the cup and whatnot. Everything went fine I guess. I mean, it is slightly difficult to mess up urinating into a cup. The hospital people called today and asked me to bring in a copy of my high school diploma. I thought that odd as I have been working in hospitals for almost four years now. One would think that that would be enough proof. Apparently not. At any rate, I must go to my mother's house now, find my diploma, and bring it to them. This hospital is really starting to drive me insanity.

What else? I have been very ill the past couple of days. Last night, I had a fever. Not sure what my temperature was, but my skin was hot enough to say that you could fry an egg on it. I doubt very seriously it would actually fry an egg though. I felt like I was freezing so I slept all night with a heat pad on my stomach and chest. Father O'Flannigan thought I was weird for doing so. JT just thinks I am about to die. I honestly think that he believes I will be dead within a couple of months. I may very well be, but I don't think I will be. I mean, I do not feel like I am dying at a more rapid rate than anyone else. I did want to die last night though. I felt like shit. Well, not like shit because I am sure pretty sure that shit does not have feelings or nerve endings. I felt like someone who felt like they needed to die because they felt extreme discomfort. I thought I was dehydrated this morning. I found out it was not dehydration. It was simply fatigue.

I want to see JT. He told me he is not coming over today or tonight as he must study for a test. I think he is kind of scared of me. I can't blame him I suppose. It is frustrating at times. Not the not being able to blame him. It is frustrating that he is scared of me. He said he is not, but I can tell that he is.

I think I am about to go projectile vomit.

Later Consuela.

Monday, June 07, 2004

My Milkshake is from Soybeans

Elf/Rubix is now known as JT as that is his name. He did not understand why I would want to give him a fake name. Well fine. If he wants his real name in here, then it is his real name that he shall have, Bon Jovi.

My computer has started going a little crazy lately. I am not sure, but it is probably because of the massive amount of songs, movies, music videos, and "special interest films" that have been downloaded onto it lately. I go apeshit crazy when I get cable connection.

I am sitting here listening to my Charlie's Angels Soundtrack. This is one of the saddest moments in my life I think. I mean, unless you have actually heard the soundtrack, you cannot fully appreciate just how suicide inducing it is. I do live on the 11th floor of the Tower of Babel. I could just jump now. Then again, I guess I could always just switch CD's. That'd probably make more sense. I can't think right now. All I can hear is "Little in the middle but ya got much back" repeating over and over again in my head. Thank GOD!! "BARRACUDA"!!! This is the only redeeming song on the CD. Thank you, Heart, for keeping me from leaping from the window of my cracked out, pimped up penthouse. There is a God afterall. Unfortunately, He is only keeping me around for His own amusement. Oh well. Hoorah! "Turning Japanese"!

I know that urine should not make me feel unbridled elation. I am not into 'watersports' afterall. Actually I find the idea of 'Golden Showers' to be somewhat disgusting. Luckily, on Wednesday, they will not need me to piss on the face of a Lab Tech to see if I am on drugs. Now that I think about it, if I did piss on the face of a Lab Tech, they would probably just assume that I am on drugs. Regardless, I get to finally piss in a cup for the hospital. This means, of course, that I am that much closer to actually getting a job. Well, the job is mine, but I will actually be able to work as opposed to just saying, "Yes I have a job." I have been eagerly awaiting this leak. By the way, now that I have said it, why is it called "taking a leak?" I understand if you are a baby or an old person. Or if you are menopausal. Patsy and Edina from AbFab taught me that menopausal women sometimes leak. Who says you can't learn stuff from television? Wait, does anyone actually say that you cannot learn stuff from television? Maybe no one says that. If they do, they are wrong. Because, like I said, I learned that menopausal women like to leak all over the place sometimes when they sneeze. Thanks be to the gods that I do not have to worry about the menopause. Anyway, back to "taking a leak," why? I do not understand that term. I know that it kind of makes sense, but it is not as though you are just walking along and spring a leak. A leak is something that one often tries to plug up and fix. It is not something that one just allows to keep going and going indefinitely. I do not know how one even stops a leaky pipe. Actually, I just learned that teflon pipe tape works better than teflon pipe dope in fixing leaks. Personally, I do not feel like applying either to my pipe when it is "leaking." Neither sounds comfortable. Maybe menopausal women could plug their leaking holes with the teflon dope. However, I do not feel that this is a very safe method for them. In either case, leaky men or women, I do not think that tape and dope is the solution. Therefore, it should not be called "taking a leak."

So this guy who is the friend of a friend of JT's showed up at the apartment today. J.T. had to get ready for work, so I was stuck here with him all alone. He told me several times that he thinks that I am "cute." I hate being called cute as I feel that only babies, puppies, and old people are "cute." Anyway, he told me that he thinks I am "cute" and asked how long J.T. and I have been together. He also said that he wished that we had met before I started dating JT. He kept staring at me. Not so much staring as glancing intensely every 2.5 seconds. He also kept making comment after comment about me, or him being single, or him wanting to be with me, or me needing to take off my clothing, or him wanting to bend me over and check my prostate. Well, most of that last part is not true, but my feelings of extreme discomfort are rooted deeply in fact. My cell phone rang. JT!! So I told him what all was going on and how I was going to kick his ass for leaving me in that situation. JT asked, "So you don't like chocolate?" Now it is not that I am against being with a black guy by any means. This guy was just A:Not my type, B: Creepy as hell, and C: Refer back to 'A' and 'B.' I told NN that I do not dislike chocolate, it just has to be the right brand. Dark chocolate, milk chocolate, white chocolate...does not matter. I just tend to prefer Godiva to Hershey, that's all. He just creeped me out. Then, after he left, he called back and told me to make sure to not tell JT about anything that he had said. I told him that I would not. I had already told JT, so there was no need in telling him anything that might cause him to come back to my apartment and try to kill me for gosh shakes. I don't know it was just a creepy moment. And to anyone who may be thinking that the above is in anyway racist, please send me your address and I will let you have him. In case you do not live long enough after meeting him to hear this, I told you so.

Eat more gravy.

Later Consuela!