Saturday, July 31, 2004

Has Anyone Ever Told You that You are the Most Annoying Person in the Universe, Father O' Flannigan

Father O'Flannigan called a couple of hours ago. He told me that he and White Chocolate had gotten a tad bit inebriated at a wedding reception at the Hilton. This is the same Hilton where JT is a busboy/waiter. Upon seeing JT, White Chocolate said, "Hey JT! You're looking better. The swelling and bruising in your eyes is almost gone." He half ass responded. Then, as Father O put it, because she can't just leave stuff alone, she proceeded to comment, "You must have been keeping ice on them." I thought this was funny. You'd have to know White Chocolate to truly appreciate that. She is this white chick that only dates black guys and likes to talk really ghetto, especially when she's been drinking. She makes my insides giggle.

Father O and I spoke about thirty minutes ago. He told me that he is planning on doing something that he really, really should not be getting involved in. I spoke to him about it very briefly. I told him that he is drunk and that is the only reason he is even considering it. He said that he knew that, but was going to do it anyway. I told him that he is going to hate himself in the morning for it. He said, "No, Preston, I'll hate you." Granted, he probably will actually hate me instead, but I did try to tell him not to. Oh well, he is going to do whatever he wants to do. At least now, when he doesn't remember the events of the evening, I can show him this. NOW WHAT, Father O! You trying to get jazzy with me? (Father O always says that to me as well as telling me that I am the most annoying person in the universe.)

Anyway, Father O is a big boy. He is going to do whatever he wants to do I suppose.

Later Consuela.
7:29:57 am July 30, 2004

Preston: "Hello."

??: "Hey, what are you doing?"

Preston: "Organ? Is that you?"

Organ: "Yea, so what are you doing this morning?"

P: "Nothing much. I am about to go with Father O'Flannigan to run a few errands."

O: "When are you guys leaving?"

P: "Not sure. We'll probably...ha ha ha...sorry, Father O just stuck his bare ass in my face. Anyway, yea I am going to take a shower; then we will be leaving, I think."

O: "Oh..."

P: "Why do you ask?"

O: "I was just wondering."

P: "Well, I don't
have to leave at any certain time or anything. Did you want to do breakfast or something?"

O: "Nah, I have to be at work at eight, but I am going to be late."

P: "Oh. You still want to do something Monday night?"

O: "Yea, what do you want to do?"

P: "I don't know. We can go eat or see a movie or something. Whatever."

O: "When are you leaveing to go run errands?"

P: "Not sure. Father O is in the shower now. When he gets out, I'll get in. Then I guess we'll go."

O: "So you wanna hook up?"

P: "Define what you mean by 'hook up.'"

O: "I mean, do you want to
hook up."

P: "I guess. Let me take a quick shower."

O: "Okay. I'll be there in a minute."

P: "Don't get here until eight. Not sure how long it'll take Father O to get out. It'll take me ten minutes or so to shower."

O: "Well, I have to be at work at eight. Doesn't leave much time. We'll do it another day."

P: "Allright. Tomorrow morning and Sunday morning are good for me. After I get off work, of course."

O: "Allright. We can do it on Sunday then. I gotta run to work now. I'll call you later. Bye Preston."

P: "Allright, talk to you later, Organ."
When did sex become that casual? I don't know if I missed the memo or what. It was an odd, random conversation for me to have though. I guess I will be having meaningless, casual sex on Sunday morning. He has to play the organ in church at nine or something. I guess I am helping him relax for the Lord, so he will be able to play his best. I am not doing it for me. It is for religious purposes. Although, knowing how I am, it won't happen. The
idea of casual sex, for me, is very arousing. The reality of it is a totally different story. I don't have casual sex. It is not that I just don't have it; I don't think I am able to have it. When two really cute guys that I know who are dating invited me over for a threeway the other night, I had to call Father O and have him tell me to go before I could leave the apartment. Granted, coming from Father O it sounded more like, "Preston, you called me at work to ask if you should have sex with Blank and Blankity. You want me to tell you to either go or not to. Which do you want me to say? You already know one way or the other what you are going to do. Do you want to go? Then go and have sex with them." I ended up going that night to their house. We sat around and watched movies and played pool on the computer and only once did anything even remotely sexual begin to take place. Maybe there is some mental cock blockage that I suffer from. I know I get 'the urge' sometimes...sometimes being several times a day...but I am usually okay with just taking care of it myself. It saves time, energy, money, pomade. It is just easier that way I guess. I don't know. That is all I have to say about it for now.

Later Consuela.

Friday, July 30, 2004

Things I WILL DO (Either to be Accomplished or Begun by 2005):

1) I will stop smoking.
2) I will finish something that I start.
3) I will try to save some money.
4) I will get out of debt.
5) I will stop being so hard on myself all the time.
6) I will start enjoying life.
7) I will learn carpentry skills.
8) I will get back into school.
9) I will learn French.
10) I will learn to sew.
11) I will write at least half of my first novel.
12) I will have a stomach that looks less like a keg and more like a six pack.
13) I will read no less than two books a month.
14) I will stop being so bitter.
15) I will dream less and do more.
16) I will work through all my many issues.
17) I will start trusting people more.
18) I will lie to people less.
19) I will find myself spiritually.
20) I will stick to my goals.
21 & 22) I will stop blaming all my mistakes on everyone else and start accepting the consequences of my actions.
23) I will stop acting like such a bitch in every slang sense of the word.

I absolutely refuse to believe that I was put on this planet simply to pull pills and complain. I know that there has to be something more that I am missing. I feel like I could actually accomplish something if I'd stop being such a scared little lazy bastard, get off my ass, and DO something. I am 22 years old for God's sake. I should already have my first degree and be working on another. What have I accomplished?! I think it was in a Sandra Bullock movie that they said she had no talent other than converting oxygen to carbon dioxide. Frankly, I know that I do, in fact, have talent. I have several talents. So why the hell have I spent the past several years pulling a Bullock? I mean, what the fuck. I am too easily distracted and sidetracked. Just now, a really hot pharmacist walked thru and I lost my train of thought. Am I really that easily distracted?! Does it really only take one member of the same species, one member of the same sex, one member's imagined member, for Chrissake, to take me from giving myself a lecture on what I need to do to get myself back on the right track, to mongoloid mode?!? I mean, give me a fucking break! I am totally pathetic. Yes, Preston, you are alone. Yes, you are single. Doesn't really seem to bother you so much this time though does it? So stop being so fucking obsessed with guys and sex and cuddling and dinners and movies and whatthefuckever and start focusing on your future. I mean, you have resorted to speaking to yourself in third person, ya know. That is really pretty bad, if you think about it. Get your ass in gear. I am getting really tired of this. Stop obsessing over things you cannot change. Stop putting off everything you do or should be doing. Stop giving up so goddamned easily. Fucking stop being such a goddamned baby!!

Later Sueler!

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

Good Advice (Warning: This one is REALLY LENGTHY)

Recently, I decided that the gods are sending me messages. Mainly because advice that people are giving me lately is actually making sense and being taken to heart. Here is an email conversation that Eeyore and I had recently. Every name has been changed as well as the emails being edited soas to cut out contact information and stuff.

Hey Eeyore,

I was just talking about you tonight. Remember Auntie Mame? She is living in L.A. now. Actually she is flying me out to see her August 4-8. Well, she is supposed to be flying me there. I am waiting for the plane tickets to be emailed to me. I guess I never knew that you could have plane tickets emailed to you. You should come to Jackson on the third. If you do, we can hang out or have lunch or something in an environment more conducive to conversation. The last couple of times I saw you was at "the club" and I was typically pissed off or drunk.

How are things going with...I am not sure what you told me his name was? Kevin? (Not being an ass, just genuinely do not remember and did not want to call him Ole Whatsizzname.) I'll call him Kevin until I am told otherwise. I hope you two are doing well. Hope he is treating you better than I treated you. Not really sure if you read my journal anymore, but I have decided that aside from being totally unbearable, drug inducing pain in the ass to date, I also am in need of anger management classes. NN told me that I do not need them. When I consider the fact that I have gotten into a fist fight with two people whom I dated in less than a year's time, I know I definitely should be going.

JT and I only dated for two months. I have plotted an elaborate revenge involving a chemical called Cadavradene...possibly misspelled. After plotting this revenge I decided to just let it go as I do not let things go enough. I am, however, going to be ruining the life of the guy with whom he cheated on me. With any luck, he'll lose his job after I out him and his crack addiction at his workplace. I probably shouldn't, but I am vengeful. You know that. Plus, the bastard has done this to several couples that I know so he has it coming. I am just the only one with low enough morals to actually go thru with it.

What else is going on? Oh I tend to workout alot after a breakup. I also eat alot less. Lately I have only been eating once every two or three days and working out like four or five times a day. Everytime my stomach growls or I think about food I do crunches and push ups. I have two abs that you can actually see well and two that are starting to show up some. I am very excited. I thought they were all supposed to show up at once though.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Preston,

Did she move in with the guy she went there to meet, or did she just like LA so much on her visit she wanted to move? (I am talking about Auntie Mame of course).

Unfortunately, I have already purchased my ticket, and being that I went through Hot Wire, I am not allowed to change the dates or times (but it did save me $75). I hope you get to go, you will have fun no doubt, but if not I would like to meet up with you outside the club...not my favorite place anyhow. Things are going well with Herminio (that would be his name). My car died...big suprise. Long story, I will tell you if you are in Jackson when I come back. Anyhow, it was traded in for something new...Hermie got a Lexus, I am driving a Nissan 4x4 Frontier. People really respect a 4x4, when I put on my blinker, everyone lets me over. We have also put the townhouse up for sale. And Kevin does treat me well. We do not get to spend a lot of time together, he has to work a lot, but the time we do have is productive and great. We do a lot of home repairs and working in the flower beds. It sounds boring, but I actually enjoy it. I also have a studio in the basement, although I have not had much time to do any painting (I started a painting, it is still sitting there, mocking me).

Sorry to hear about you and JT. It does not sound like he treated you well, my advice would be to let it go. You definitly deserve to be treated nice and with respect. I do not necessarily believe you need anger management classes, try yoga or painting first. I am not trying to be facious, but some quiet time or meditation or an artistic release may be mind clearing. Personally, that's why I go to the gym. It gets a lot of energy out of my system and I feel better.

I don't like the fact you are not on a regular eating habit either. I know you do not want to gain weight, but your body needs nutrients. Make tuna salad, eat fruit, grab a protien bar...find small snacks throughout the day and keep your energy level steady. I think that will also help with, and I do not mean to offend you, your moods. Take care of yourself and keep in contact. I will talk with you later.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Eeyore,

I have started eating again. Mostly tuna and Slim Fast. Oh and bananas. Bananas are awesome. Who knew?!

Auntie Mame was travel nursing and decided to stay. She is no longer seeing the guy who lives there. She is now seeing some guy who likes to feel pretty and dress in drag. He says he isn't gay, bi, or a transvestite, which confuses me, but she seems happy. He won't put out though. That is getting to her a little. He also told her he wants to have a sex change, so he can be a lipstick lesbian. I told her she REALLY needs to find someone else before she ends up in Zip-loc freezer bags.

I have started reading alot lately what with working a midnight shift and all. I am finishing about four books a week. I have also started reteaching myself French. Hopefully, I will be in school at...JSU...starting in the fall. In case I am not, I decided to use my night shift wisely and attempt to teach myself what I can soas to not fall too far behind.

Wallaby Jones gave me some good advice. I have heard it from everyone a million times, I think you even gave it to me once, but for some reason it stuck when Wallaby told me this last time. He told me to stop getting so worried about dating someone and just enjoy myself. Actually, the way he put it was, "Preston, you should really start being more selfish. I KNOW for a FACT you have it in you, you should just use it more. Stop worrying about dying alone all the time, and start having fun, girl!" Pretty close to his actual words. For some reason, THAT is exactly what I needed to hear and how I needed to hear it. So lately I have been having fun. Granted, I have only been single for a little over a week now, but I think I will actually be allright with BEING single for once in my life. I don't know. I am happy. Wallaby Jones is like my new Bubba Buddha.

Anyway, I know you are a busy busy man and all now, so I'll stop rambling. Maybe I'll put off flying out for a day or something as I have not yet gotten my tickets.

Unless you actually know the people that I am talking about in the emails, that was all probably pretty damned boring to you. However, this IS my goddamned journal so screw you.

I finally read The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger. I always refer to it as one of my favorite books, but anyone who knows me knows that I have never actually read it. I have started reading it about a billion times, I know the first eighty pages of it almost by heart. Unfortunately, I always tend to put it aside never returning to it. Well, I have now read the whole damned thing and it is officially one of my favorite books. I feel like I have grown as a result of this book. Here is an excerpt from it that spoke volumes to me. Also, I thought that Holden Caulfield's, the protagonist, movie review was hilarious, so there ya go. Actually, here are all my favorite excerpts. You should be able to tell which one spoke to me. Unless, of course, you are a complete mongoloid baby. And this is alot to type, so I REALLY REALLY did love these parts. I type less than fast, so I felt they were important enough to take the time to type out and share.

"Then, after the Rockettes, a guy came out in a tuxedo and roller skates on, and started skating under a bunch of little tables, and telling jokes while he did it. He was a very good skater and all, but I couldn't enjoy it much because I kept picturing him practicing to be a guy that roller-skates on the stage. It seemed so stupid. I guess I just wasn't in the right mood. Then, after him, they had this Christmas thing they have at Radio City every year. All these angels start coming out of the boxes and everywhere, guys carrying crucifixes and stuff all over the place, and the whole bunch of them- thousands of them- singing 'Come All Ye Faithful!' like mad. Big deal. It's supposed to be religious as hell, I know, and very pretty and all, but I can't see anything religious or pretty,for God's sake, about a bunch of actors carrying crucifixes all over the stage....I said old Jesus probably would've puked if He could see it- all those fancy costumes and all. Sally said I was a sacrilegious atheist. I probably am."

"...Her goddam hat blows off and he catches it, and then they go upstairs and start talking about Charles Dickens. He's both their favorite author and all. He's carrying this copy of Oliver Twist and so's she. I could've puked. Anyway, they fell in love right away, on account of they're both so nuts about Charles Dickens and all, and he helps her run her publishing business. ...It ends up with everybody at this long dinner table laughing their asses off because the great Dane comes in with a bunch of puppies. Everybody thought it was a male, I suppose, or some goddam thing. All I can say is, don't see it if you don't want to puke all over yourself."

"...Once you get past all the Mr. Vinsons, you're going to start getting closer and closer- that is, if you want to, and if you look for it and wait for it- to the kind of information that will be very, very dear to your heart. Among other things, you'll find that you're not the first person who was ever confused and frightened and even sickened by human behavior. You're by no means alone on that score, you'll be excited and stimulated to know. Many, many men have been just as troubled morally and spiritually as you are right now. Happily, some of them kept records of their troubles. You'll learn from them- if you want to. Just as someday, if you have something to offer, someone will learn something from you. It's a beautiful reciprocal arrangement. And it isn't education. It's history. It's poetry."

Later Consuela.