Friday, February 18, 2005

this is an audio post - click to play

Monday, February 14, 2005

Am I Crazy?

So Bookie Muffin is supposed to come and see me today. I am ever so excited. Well, I think he is still coming to see me. Last night and all week he has been telling me how much he misses me and how much he has been ready for today to arrive so we could finally see each other. I have been waiting for today all week. I have never looked forward to Venereal Disease as much as I have this year. I just really want to see him.

Anyway, earlier, when I called, he was still asleep. I kind of assumed he'd not be leaving as early as he had planned. That was fine. Now, he is telling me that he doesn't know that he wants to come because he has a bad feeling about it. Not about coming here, I think, but about leaving town. I told him if he wants to stay in Hattiesburg and see if anything is wrong I'll understand. He said he was still coming. Then when we spoke a few minutes ago via text messages and a phone call he said that he didn't know if he wanted to come, that he hadn't packed yet, and that he might just stay home. I asked if something was wrong and he said no. The tone of his voice made me think otherwise. I asked him several more times and he still said no. Then he said that he would let me go (get off the phone). I said okay. There was silence. I asked if something was wrong. He said no. I asked if he was having second thoughts about us. He said no. All of his "no"s to this point did not sound very convincing. He said that it was because he was still in bed and he had not had his full eight hours of sleep. That is probably all that it is, but ya gosta know by now that I am a lil paranoid.

So am I crazy? I am sure you don't have enough info to know, but still. I don't know I just really really REALLY like this guy (I cleaned the house for him for gods sake. TWICE!) and am thinking that that is probably why things may start to now go downhill. Maybe they will not. I hope they will not. But if you always expect the worst, you can never be disappointed. At the same time if you expect bad, sometimes it destroys the good. I don't know what I am talking about. I am just really confused and feeling a little rejected at this in particular juncture.

I'll just stop writing.

Later Consuela.