Monday, March 14, 2005

The Nintendo Ate Mah Baby!!

Jason has been playing Zelda: The Windwaker for the Nintendo Gamecube for about a week now. I let him borrow it, because he became addicted to it. Far be it from me to keep my wittle addict from his crack because the good *insert deity of choice* knows that I could not survive without my DS. Well, I could, but who would want to do that? What else? Oh I miss him a bunch. And I want some Peeps even though I have never eaten them in my adult life. I am just hungry, exhausted, and going crazy with seperation anxiety. I know I am kind of clingy, but I can't help it. If you knew Jason, male or female, gay or straight, you'd try to date him. Though, if you did, I'd have to whomp ya ace cause dats my man. Now what? My *insert deity of choice* I am going ghetto. My co-worker Tommie calls it "alley". He said I am getting more and more alley. I kind of like it. Oh how did they figure out how to make coffee? I was just curious. And how many beans were dry roasted and simmered or whatever in the quest for its discovery. Same goes for smoking tobacco or smoking pot. How many plants did they go thru smoking before discovering that these were their favorites. I understand finding out about shrooms as you would eat a mushroom anyway. The pot and tuhbacky has always made me curious though. I'm hungry. How soon is too soon to love someone? I mean on any level. (I am already anticipating the phone calls and emails certain ones of you will be soon placing/ sending.) I just need to know. I looked it up, but could not find anything. Maybe that measns never. But is that never too soon or is it never at all? I don't know. I need to pee. No I don't. Okay so I do need to pee, but don't feel like going to the bathroom as my knees are all swoled up. Does everyone, when thinking things to oneself, think in a thick British accent? I think everyone who does not should start. I have been doing it for years. Maybe I have split personalities or something. Oh and can an alternate personality of a person with multiple personalities also have multiple personalities? I think that they should. That would be awesomely confusing. I was planning on having a sausage biscuit this morning, but I ate a bag of soy crisps, four 25 cent boxes of Mike and Ike's, a Snicker Marathon bar, and a ginormous Gatorade. I do not need to be eating fatty, greasy seasoned pig flesh on a carbohydrate throne. I think I might go get a half a grapefruit and some coffee. Coffee for survival. Grapefruit for sustenance. I think, actually, I might go get a bran muffin and coffee. That is probably gonna kill my stomach, but they will taste better together. Plus, I am supposed to be working fiber into my diet. I like bran anyway. It has always been one of my favorites. I have been an old man since conception. Yea, I am gonna go eat before I get off work.

Later Consuela.

Sunday, March 13, 2005

This One is for my Peeps...and Large Edible Feces

Nataschia and I did something that she has not done in about twenty years. For me, it has been fifteen or so. Yes. That's right. Nataschia and I had sex. Okay, so maybe that is not what happened. This morning, Nataschia and I went to the mall so she could buy some Hugh Jackman DVDs. While there, she decided that we should get our picture taken with the Easter Bunny. Not a Easter bunny, but the Easter Bunny. As soon as I find someone with a scanner, I'll scan and post the picture. It is actually a pretty good picture considering my big, broad man shoulder is covering part of his face. I did not want to sit in his lap and have my picture taken. Nataschia insisted though. I said to EB before sitting in his lap, "I apologize for this in advance." Nataschia swears the Easter Bunny grabbed her ass. He may have. Hell, she may have grabbed his. Ya never know.

Being the Easter Bunny must suck. I mean you spend all day having children sit in your lap and scream. Santa has to listen to what the kids want, but I think kids are more frightened by the Easter Bunny than jolly old Saint Nick. St. Nick is a fat man in a red suit. Easter Bunny is in a fur, full body suit. Santa rewards good children (and more often naughty ones) with presents for being such good children all year. Easter Bunny is an oversized genetic anomaly who inexplicably gives children chocolate eggs and marshmallow chicks. Where do these chocolate eggs originate? Is it actually just large rabbit droppings that he is passing for chocolate eggs? I mean, he is larger, so his feces must also be oversized. And the marshmallow chicks. Why marshmallow chicks? Better yet, why do some children get those live chicks that have been dyed pink? I always wondered that. I also always wanted to see a small child get confused about the difference between a pink chick made of marshmallow and a pink chick made of, well, pink chick. A very funny Ozzy moment that would be. Wait, what the hell is the deal with chickens and rabbits at Easter? I'll write on in a minute. I must do a quick search for the answer. Got it. BLAH DOW! There ya go if you didn't know and were curious. So basically, Easter is a pagan fertility festival that takes place in the Spring and that Christians celebrate. So now you know. Let me see if I can figure out where the marshmallow chicks came from. BLAH DAH DOW!! Everything you never wanted to know about marshmallow chickens.

Well that is all for now. It is time for me to get off work.

Later Consuela.